only if we run a train.
done.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
