I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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