alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
