The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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