Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
