You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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