I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
