Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
