420 ftw
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
