This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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