Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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