At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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