i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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