WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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