go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
FUCK WHALES
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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