exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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