We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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