I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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