I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
