i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
