You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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