Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
