I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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