when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
