Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
