Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
