Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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