Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
