I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
