please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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