I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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