You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
