yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
