I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
