how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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