i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
