Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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