Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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