I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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