I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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