Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
