The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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