I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You work out of a Hotel?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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