Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
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There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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