i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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