the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just had sex on a roof
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
