I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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