Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
