everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
