matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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