I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
