so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
