These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
