Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
