I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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